Today we had a special speaker come to our Bible study, it was Pastor Jon. He was asked to speak on the subject of submission, since it has been a subject that has appeared in our discussions more than once. After opening with prayer, we invited him to speak. This was his message, plus a little more at the end.
Submission
The subject of submission has
been corrupted like everything else God created.
If you think about it, we
all, male AND female submit to different authorities and really
have no problem in it.
Posted speed limits, the price of a dozen
eggs, people in crosswalks, etc., we all
submit to the authority of someone else, and
it really doesn’t bother us.
So why is there this
adversity to the authority of a husband? Again, corruption.
Eve submitting to Adam was
not something that occurred after the fall, in fact,
Gen 2:18 Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for the
man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him."
There was no problem in this. It wasn’t one
sided, it wasn’t some dictatorship.
The way God set it up it worked perfectly
for both because they were “one flesh”.
But this obviously is a paradox: “one flesh” but
two different people.
One of the truths of the
Bible that escapes us is what the full impact of the fall did to mankind.
It not only effected the
relationship between God and man,
but between man and woman.
God gave Adam the
responsibility to take care of the garden (Gen 2:15), that was not a
curse, and now, after the fall, his responsibility hasn’t changed- God’s
pre-established plan for Adam was his responsibility to take care of
the ground (not Eden), but now it will be hard work.
Gen 3:16 To the woman He
said, "I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth, in pain you will
bring forth children; yet your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you."
Again, there was a pre-established
God initiated design for the family that started like this: “Wives,
be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head
of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the
Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the
wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ
also loved the church and gave Himself up for her”
Eph 5:22-25
And again, there was no
problem in this initially in Eden because there was no
sin.
Adam did not “use” his wife, and Eve never
challenged her husband.
But Satan corrupted this plan
and the result was this “desire” or coveting of the position of authority and
responsibility God gave to man.
She literally desired to have the
responsibility and authority God gave to Adam- in
fact, the same structure of the sentence and
Hebrew word is found again in the
next chapter when Cain’s offering wasn’t
accepted by God:
Gen
4:6-7 Then the Lord said to Cain,
"Why are you angry? And why has your
countenance fallen? 7 "If you do
well, will not your countenance be lifted up?
And if you do not do well, sin is
crouching at the door; and its desire is for you,
but you must master it."
So Satan perverted God’s plan
but he did not replace it. Satan does not have that power.
That authority and responsibility of God’s
original plan is STILL placed on man
(whether he wants it or not), but
now he’s in competition for it- because both man
AND woman have strayed away from God’s original intent.
1 Peter 2:25, 3:1-2 For you
were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the Shepherd
and Guardian of your souls.
3:1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own
husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be
won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste
and respectful behavior.
This “chaste and respectful
behavior” is commonly misunderstood to be referring to the husband.
Although it includes the
husband, it is primarily referring to God Himself.
1
Peter 2:9 clearly tells us, “But
you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a
holy nation, His own special people, that you
may proclaim the praises of Him
who called you out of darkness into His
marvelous light”.
Did you see it? We are to “proclaim the
praises of Him” not the husband, and that
is done by submitting to God’s order.
The isolated objective is the
conversion of the husband,
1.) If the husband does not know the Lord,
or
2.) The husband knows the Lord, but is
walking outside of God’s will.
The key is bring him to the
Lord.
You’re not alone, the
husband actually has the same responsibility!
Eph
6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to
anger, but bring them up in the
discipline and instruction of the Lord.
A wife who instigates trouble in the
marriage relationship by attitudes and
actions outside the “instruction of
the Lord” is the same as a father who
discourages his children by the same
attitudes and actions.
In fact, Col 3:21 says it this way, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so
that they will not lose heart.”
Wives, your objective is not to allow
your husbands to “lose heart”.
By “not exasperat[ing]” them,
you actually encourage them toward the Lord.
The conversion of your
husband initially to the Lord or back to the Lord does not come from you- that is not your
responsibility nor are you capable of it.
But you can work either compliment these
efforts or work against the Lord’s
efforts by not following His pre-established
initiated design.
Warren Wiersbe gives a great
illustration: He said, “the receptionist at
our church office has a list of names prepared by me, and these people could
get to me at any time, no matter what I was doing. Even if I was in a staff
meeting, or in a counseling session, if any of these people phoned, she was to
call me immediately. At the top of this list was my family. Even if the matter
seems to me inconsequential, I want my family to know that I am available.
After the service, one of the students said to me, "Would you adopt me? I
can never get through to my father”.
If your husband does not understand- be
approachable, after all, it was by the
grace of God YOU understand.
If you want your circumstances to change in
your relationship with your husband,
don’t attempt to thwart God’s movements in
the answering of that prayer,
harmonize with His movements by doing it God’s
way.
A question was asked
concerning violating a command of God when a husband expects his wife to follow
him in an ungodly decision.
Basically there are essentials and
non-essentials as with the Scriptures.
All Scripture is important, but as we should
not become angry and fight over the
identity of the two witnesses in
Revelation, we should not divide over, say,
whether he can buy a beer or not.
Practically, what if your husband asks why
you can’t stay home every once in a
while instead of going to Church all
the time? Stay home.
But what about, “… not forsaking our
own assembling together, as is the habit of
some …”? (Heb 10:25)
Two words to pay attention to: “forsaking”
To leave or desert.
“habit” Custom.
This is a far cry from staying home
every once in a while for the sake of family
unity.
Those who have unsaved loved
ones or those who have grown cold in the Lord need to learn to be proactive
instead of reactive.
Anticipate problem areas and discuss them at
an appropriate time when the
atmosphere is conducive.
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(this is the bonus section)
First, when I ask why someone
wants to get married, the answer is always the same:
I love him/her.
That’s good, but that’s not
all.
Without the next two things,
the marriage is headed for a fall:
Freedom and Responsibility
I’m not speaking about him, I’m talking about both of you.
If unbalanced, one spouse resents too much
responsibility the other controls
because of a lack of it.
Freedom works the same way, one spouse has
more freedom, the other is being
controlled.
What balances out the scales?
Love. Real love, not just emotional love.
Practical Advice:
*Stop assuming what the other
would do and talk about things that are in conflict
with their values.
*Isolate and deal with your
spouses deficiency, set up a plan or explain that things
will only get worse.
They may not know how to communicate,
deal with a past problem that didn’t
include you, lack self-discipline, manage money, etc.
Remember, it’s not his problem or her
shortcoming, but a mutual problem. One
flesh remember?
*Make a pact based on love
that “silent treatments” are illegal.
If something (s)he said or did bothered
you wait until an appropriate moment
(not too long of a wait) and
casually mention it only once.
Refuse to place blame or insist on
someone’s wrong, just mention it- once.
*“Realize that although you’re
“one flesh”, you’re two different people with two
different preferences. Don’t forget, you
used to find this attractive- what
happened?
Phil
2:3-4 “Do nothing from
selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of
mind regard one another as more important
than yourselves; do not merely look
out for your own personal interests, but
also for the interests of others.”
Give the other their way first (agape
love) and have a good time!
*Lastly, is this disagreement
worth the win?
Isolate your objective- do you want your
way or your relationship?
We pray that this message speaks to hearts and helps each of us to learn to walk in submission. We thank God for allowing us to hear his words and pray for strength to walk in them.
and one of my favorites, iris